(10) Son ignores the State Department travel warning to seek eye-catching community-service experience among the Kurdish separatists near the Iraq-Turkey border.

(9) Daughter complains that classmate who uses wheelchair has better college essay topic.

(8) Son is distressed to learn that the SAT does not offer extra-credit problems.

(7) Mom has sudden falling out with best friend after friend's daughter is accepted early at Yale.

(6) Dad proclaims that the family will only be allowed to communicate using SAT vocabulary words.

(5) Private investigator verifies that student's great-great-grandfather was half Cherokee.

(4) Thanksgiving dinner conversation is devoted to critiquing essay drafts.

(3) Daughter memorizes Tiers I and II of the U.S. News National University rankings.

(2) Mom searches the Web for car-window decals with a space that says "also accepted at..."

(1) Message on phone answering machine notes that daughter is National Merit Semifinalist.